Political scientists like other political scientists with a Ph.D. degree from a good school. Those who go to Harvard or Yale or Berkeley are ‘well-trained.’ This means that they have successfully completed coursework in rigorous quantitative methods, not that they don’t pee on the floor. Schools with a good pedigree degree offer no guarantees on the latter. In fact, continence is unlikely.
Different kennels elite departments are known for their skill in preparing graduates of particular breeds kinds. Midwestern schools tend to produce terriers students excellent at getting close to the ground to inductively derive theories based through extensive quantitative data mining. European schools are fine producers of hounds post-structuralists capable of sniffing out even the deepest reifications. Chicago has a reputation for training both Rottweilers offensive realists and German sheperds defensive realists. The University of California, San Diego excels at producing herding dogs rationalist scholars who round up the appropriate cases so as to avoid selection effects, while Rochester is an excellent school for sporting dogs game theorists.
Every year students of various pedigree and breed compete for best in show a tenure-track academic job. They are judged on the basis of their gait job talk, teeth collegiality, and, to please the diversity office, color. Pure-bred elite students with papers a diploma from a top school are almost guaranteed a good job. Those mutts who adopt a more analytically eclectic approach find that they please no one, and often spend several months if not years in a humane society visiting adjunct position before they find a nice home with colleagues who love them. They are generally no longer puppies much older than the average student with a good degree when they begin their first job. For unknown reasons, however, they do have fewer health problems and generally live a longer life. Nevertheless, often they are never adopted, in which case they generally are euthanized forced to go to law school. Faculty members generally prefer a student with a good degree, but they often feel better in the end giving someone else a shot.
Of course, having a good degree has a major downside too, however. Generations of inbreeding at elite schools of political science can lead to congenital problems such as an exceedingly narrow dissertation topic involving something called a “selectorate” and, somewhat inexplicably, hip problems. They are snooty and have bad dispositions. In rare cases, this can be blamed on rabies, but this has mostly been eradicated.
If the particular candidate selected for a permanent position turns out to not in fact be well trained and bites people does not perform adequately, it is possible but not to easy to get rid of him (or her). He likely has children friends and allies who do not want to part with him. The department might, nevertheless, find a nice place for him in the country deny him tenure.
I am a herding dog? Can I be part-Corgi like my old San Diego-born mutt? So thrilled! Since I have always considered myself an attention-seeking puppy, all I can about this particular entry into the Rathbun cannon is woof as I vigrously wagg my stub of tail!
Normally, I like these because they are both funny *and* reflect something more or less true about political science. This one is neither. FAIL.
My guess is that ‘Disappointed’ isn’t from the wrong side of the academic tracks. There is more than a grain of truth in Rathbun’s commentary
I enjoy this very much. As an ABD from a non-elite (non-top 25) PhD program w/an “analytically ecletic” diss. project which I hope to finish & defend next spring, I can only smile at the descriptions of the “elite” schools mentioned in your post. Your characterization of these schools and use of metaphors using different dog breeds are spot on!!
I fully understand that I might have to spend a year or more venturing in the wilderness (visiting prof/adjunct-land) before finally landing a TT job, but I hope that the research topic I have and the eclectic/unique approach I used to analyze it would eventually convince a dept (a good LAC will be OK for me) to hire me. Hopefully after it’s been transformed into 1 or 2 peer-reviewed articles.
I enjoyed reading all your “Stuffs” postings so far and keep them coming. Perhaps one day someone will collect all of them and turn it into an entry in PS or other journals that frequently carry articles about the state of our field today (Perspectives on Politics?). Looking forward to reading your next entry!
Hey Clark,
Keep in mind that these are just satires, and that there are plenty of people who don’t want a pure bred, even pure breds like me. And they have great careers. Soldier on. God’s speed.
BCR
“…capable of sniffing out even the deepest reifications”
A good thing this post is humor, else I would have to go on my diatribe about the overuse, misuse, and abuse of the word “reification” by (some) IR scholars. Which, trust me, you don’t want to hear.
Show judges (hiring teams) also tend to only see male candidates as the perfect breed….also, like most show dogs, once a female gets pregnant she is often seen as out of the running for best in show. Sometimes excellent training and work ethic (good mentors and working your ass off) can overcome mediocre pedigree but it is easier for mediocre academics with great pedigree win the tenure prizes.
Great Post!
Why do schools with a good pedigree insist on tail docking and ear cropping? It turns the pups into inexpressive balls of misery?
Tremendous